When I was in high school I had a hard time with girls. I’m not saying that I couldn’t talk to them or that they weren’t interested in me. I just didn’t know what girls wanted. Seriously, I thought it was best to be Mr. Polite when it came to girls. I thought girls wanted to have the upper hand and when they were interested or ready then they would make the first move.
This was a huge mistake.
I can almost guarantee that the course of my life was changed by the decisions that I made during those years. Yes, I ended up having girlfriends, but it was only because I met a few girls that were aggressive in their pursuit of me. One of those girls ended up being my wife. So I guess it all worked out ok. But these types of women are rare.
Women want to be pursued
Here’s the thing that I know now, women don’t like to be the one that makes the first move. They don’t normally come to you. They like to be pursued. They want a man to come to them and show interest. They need to feel desired. Feeling desired is the foundation for so much more.
I can look back on my high school years, and even the start of my college years, and I can see now where girls where interested in me, but I sat back and waited. I wasn’t vulnerable. I was just a friend. I was afraid to make the first move and show interest and those girls eventually moved on.
I distinctly remember one encounter with a girl that was my ‘friend’ at one point. We hung out in college and had a lot of fun. Eventually I ended up going to another college but I ran into her at a bar one night. We were ‘good friends’ but that encounter was brief and cold. She said ‘hi’ with a cold stare and moved on to the bar. She knew who I was but it didn’t matter. That’s when I knew that I had missed the boat and that she had wanted more in the past. Since I never made the first move she moved on and assumed that I wasn’t interested.
The problem was that I was really interested. She was really hot and fun to be around. It was a missed opportunity because I didn’t make her feel desired. She wanted more than friendship but was just waiting for me to take the next step.
Don’t look back on life with regret
I always say that it would be amazing if we could relive life in reverse. What an amazing life we would lead because we could learn from all our mistakes.
One of the biggest mistakes that I made in life was not actively pursuing women. I know now that women crave pursuit. They need men to show interest in them. Most women do not come to you. You have to go to them and let them see and feel your interest, or they’ll just assume that you’re not interested. and move on to the next man. Don’t let this happen to you so that you regret your decisions in life.
Before there’s desire and then sex, there’s the pursuit
Lets change course slightly. Fast forward to today, I’m happily married with 3 children. I have a really busy life. There’s a lot of stress in our lives as we work to keep up with everything.
My wife is stressed and busy as well, and when women are stressed, they generally don’t look for relief in the bedroom first, if you know what I mean. It takes some effort to get them in the mood. The last thing that they desire is to just jump in bed and get it on without a lot of pregame.
The pregame is the pursuit. This is where you show her that she’s desired in many different ways other than grabbing her ass. This is where you show her that you care for her. This is where you make her feel loved and cherished. It’s not in the bedroom where this happens, it’s the days leading up to your time between the sheets where it really matters. This is how you’ll ensure that you actually score with your woman, but where you’ll ensure that she wants to stay with you for the long haul.
Even if you’re not married, these tips are the foundation that will allow you to take that first step in a relationship, but it’s also the foundation of a lasting, healthy and sex filled relationship as well. The pursuit is important. Actually, it’s critical to the goal of loving and being with a woman for a lifetime.
How to pursue a woman (the foreplay)
Many of these suggestions are obvious. But they’re good reminders for men who are generally not the pursuer. They’re also good reminders for men who are currently in a relationship and just lazy. Many times we simply get lazy in our relationships and forget to do the little things that make all the difference.
1. Tell her that you’re interested
This is the most simple and obvious way to let a woman know that she’s desired. All you have to do is tell her. If you’ve met a woman for the first time, or if you’ve been married for 25 years, simply telling her that you’re interested in more than just being a friend or a roommate is the first step toward winning her over.
2. Don’t just act like a friend
When I was in college I was friends with a lot of girls. But I waited for them to come to me. I was Mr. Nice guy. I was their buddy. I was afraid to make the first move and show interest. I was always the guy that was fun and friendly. But I never showed anything more. This is where I failed because many of those girls probably thought that I wasn’t interested. All the while I would have loved to be closer to most of them. All it would have took was for me to stop acting like a friend and take the next step.
That said, when you’re in a relationship, being a friend first is an essential step to making a woman feel desired, loved and appreciated. It’s the foundation of a good relationship but you need to do more if your goal is to take it to the next level.
3. Tell her that’s she’s beautiful
Throughout our busy lives we sometimes forget to do the most simple things. We forget to call our parents, we forget to say ‘thank you’ at times and we forget to show our woman that we think she’s attractive. We all need reinforcement from time to time. Making a woman feel attractive and desired is the first step in building and keeping a bond between you. If a woman doesn’t feel like she’s attractive to you then there’s little hope that she’ll want to take it to the next level.
4. Be confident
Women like a confident man, so be fearless. They generally like a man that is in control of themselves and the situation. Confidence shows strength and nothing is more attractive than a man who puts off an air of confidence in himself and in his desire to attract his woman.
5. Kiss her
Making the first physical move can sometimes be hard when you’re first dating a woman. But if it’s going to go to the next level it has to happen. Just ‘do it’ as they say. Then, do this every day. Even if it’s a small kiss on the cheek, that small, physical touch will keep you bonded to your woman and it will make her feel like you care. But don’t just stop there. The physical pursuit begins in small ways so consider things like giving her a deep, long kiss before you go to work or before bed. Send her off to dreamland with a little passion.
6. Be respectful
Feeling bonded to someone is grounded in respect. It’s about feeling safe with someone, and safety begins with respect for the other person. Show her that you appreciate the little things. Don’t talk down to her. Say ‘thank you’ because she made the bed in the morning or that she decided to bring you a cup of coffee. A woman wants to feel respected and appreciated so be respectful at all times. The little things count in big ways. Without mutual respect a relationship will quickly begin to crumble.
7. Show her that you care
Showing someone that you care does not have to be a complex affair. Again, it’s the little things that count. Women want to be appreciated and when you feel appreciated you begin to feel desired. Text her for no reason whatsoever out of the blue. Call her just to say ‘hi’ and to see how her day is going. Cook her dinner. Was the dishes. Make the bed. Bring her a cup of coffee. Hold her hand. These small gestures will make her feel bonded to you and build a consistent foundation of appreciation that will build into desire.
8. Be patient
Sometimes to get close to a woman all you need to do is sit back and relax. Showing that you’re patient will show her that you’re not going anywhere and that you’ll be there for her. Listen. Don’t offer advice if she’s troubled. Wait for her to come to you when she’s ready. Give her space.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean being a big pansy. Showing vulnerability is a way to open the door to the next level. Don’t wait for her to make the first move. Show that you care deeply or to show that you might be falling in love — or that you’re still in love — is how you bond with your woman. Let her inside. Let her see the real you. If you don’t, she’ll likely feel like you really don’t care and that you’re not committed and just operating on the surface of a relationship that’s never going to be deep and lasting. Do things first. Tell her your desires. Don’t be weak, be honest and open. It’ll get you much father than keeping everything inside and hidden from her.
Be a man
Women want to feel protected. Not in the way that you might protect someone from a mugging, but protected from life in general. Work hard at your job so that you can provide for her. Take care of your home. Take care of yourself. Take control of situations. Take responsibility. Be honest. Lead her into a room and stand close to her. Stand up for her. Be strong for her. She wants you to actually be a man and that means more than just being a tough guy.
Taking it to the next level
I hope these stories and bits of advice have been helpful advice if you’re just starting out in pursuit of a woman. If you’re in a relationship, hopefully this will be a good set of reminders that will keep you bonded to your woman. If you follow my advice I can almost guarantee that you’ll quickly be taking your relationship to the next level and ensuring that it will be a lasting one. Oh, and it might just be the foundation for a hot, health and sexy relationship in the bedroom as well.